"Why Does He Do This?” The Question That Keeps Us Stuck

I used to waste so much energy trying to figure him out.

Why does he twist everything I say and make me feel like the bad guy? Does he even realize how much he’s hurting me and our children—or does he just not care? Why does he apologize, only to do the same thing again? What did I do to make him so angry this time? If I just explain things better, will he finally understand? Is it me? Am I just too sensitive?

These thoughts became a constant loop in my mind—because I believed that if I could just understand him, I could fix things.

The Trap of Overthinking in Emotionally Abusive Relationships

As Christian women, many of us are taught that love means giving the benefit of the doubt, that being a good wife means trying harder, praying more, and making peace.

So we replay conversations.

We search for clues.

We wonder if it’s us.

We try to love better, be more patient, and stay strong.

But here’s what no one tells us:

Overanalyzing his behavior keeps us stuck.

What If You Asked Different Questions?

Instead of obsessing over why he’s hot and cold, kind one day and cruel the next, what if we asked:

✔️ What do I need right now?

✔️ What do I deserve in a relationship?

✔️ What am I going to do next?

Because the truth is, not everything has an answer.

Some things just don’t add up.

Some people don’t act from love, logic, or faith—even when they claim to.

It’s Not Your Job to Decode Him

✔️ You don’t have to understand someone’s behavior to recognize it’s harmful.

✔️ You don’t need a diagnosis to know when you're being mistreated.

✔️ You don’t have to make excuses just because you love them.

And you don’t need to keep giving so much of your precious energy to someone who’s not showing up with the love, consistency, or respect you deserve.

What Happens When You Stop Trying to Make Sense of Nonsense

When we stop trying to figure them out, we finally create space to focus on us:

🌿 Our healing

🌿 Our peace

🌿 Our next chapter

You Don’t Have to Stay in the Cycle

If you’ve been caught in the exhausting cycle of trying to decode someone else’s actions, please hear this:

It’s okay to stop analyzing. It’s okay to choose you.

You are allowed to shift the focus back to what you want and need.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

👉 Book your free Next Step Strategy Session today.

Let’s talk. Let’s untangle truth from confusion. Let’s take the next right step—together.