The Truth About Divorce No One Tells Christian Women

If you’re walking through divorce—or picking up the pieces months or even years later—I want to share a few things I’ve learned from my own journey. These aren’t quick fixes or one-size-fits-all solutions. They’re the truths I’ve lived, cried through, and slowly come to trust as I rebuild my life after emotional abuse.

Be Kind to Yourself

There will be days when getting out of bed feels like a mountain. You might feel exhausted, disoriented, or unsure of what day it is. That’s not weakness, it’s the cost of surviving.

Divorce, especially after emotional abuse, takes a toll on your nervous system, your confidence, and your sense of reality.

Please rest when you can. Let the laundry wait. Let the dishes sit. You don’t owe anyone your productivity. Your energy will return as your body and heart begin to feel safe again.

Your Healing Helps Your Kids

You don’t have to be perfect for your kids. You just have to keep showing up.

Doing your inner work—whether that’s through therapy, coaching, prayer, or journaling, each builds a ripple effect of safety and strength. When we begin to regulate our own nervous systems, our kids feel that calm. They learn it’s okay to feel big feelings. They learn that healing is possible.

Your healing is not selfish, it’s actually a gift that keeps giving for generations to come.

You’ll Start Noticing Other Toxic Relationships

This one surprised me.

As I began to grow stronger and get more grounded, I started seeing other emotionally unhealthy dynamics more clearly; friendships, family members, even people in church. I used to think I was the problem, that I just “couldn’t get along.” But what I realized was, I was becoming less tolerant of manipulation, guilt trips, and subtle control.

This isn’t you being “too sensitive” or “hard to get along with.” This is you getting stronger and healthier with each realization.

Grief Doesn’t Mean You Made a Mistake

Even if the relationship was deeply unhealthy, it’s normal to feel sad. We’re not just grieving a person, we are grieving the dream. The hope. The story we told ourselves it might become.

Letting go of that vision hurts, even when staying would’ve cost us more.

Grief is part of the process, not a sign you’ve done something wrong.

Triggers Don’t Mean You’re Broken

Even in a loving, healthy relationship, you may still get triggered. You might find yourself shutting down, bracing for criticism, or wondering when the other shoe will drop.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your nervous system is still healing.

The right partner won’t punish you for your trauma. They will walk alongside you with compassion. And in time, those triggers will become invitations to heal, not warnings to hide.

A Few Things That Helped Me Most:

✔️ Journaling – It’s still one of my best tools for untangling messy thoughts and giving voice to what’s swirling inside.

✔️ Facing Finances – Even if it’s scary, getting honest about your money is empowering. You deserve to feel secure and informed.

✔️ Communicating in Writing – With a high-conflict ex, written communication protects your peace and creates a record.

✔️ Parallel Parenting – You don’t need to "co-parent well" with someone who is emotionally unsafe. Parallel parenting is a valid, protective option.

✔️ Boundaries – These will quickly show you who respects your growth… and who doesn’t.

Every hard thing you’re facing is shaping the future version of you. The one who’s free, whole, and deeply rooted in her own worth.

There’s no one right way to heal. Maybe today you’re exhausted. Maybe you’re numb. Maybe you’re just going through the motions. That’s okay. You’re not behind. You’re becoming.

Need a little help figuring out what’s next?

I offer free next step strategy sessions where we can talk through your situation, your heartaches, and your hopes. There’s no pressure—just a space to exhale and begin imagining what freedom might look like for you.

👉 Click here to schedule your free session

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