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When we distill boundaries down to their simplest form, it's this - what is and is not ok for me.
A boundary is not about imposing our will on another person or trying to control them. Instead, it’s about respecting our own needs and limits while honoring the individuality of others. We each get to decide what "ok" looks like for us. The tricky thing with boundaries is that sometimes when we clearly express our needs, we run into people in our lives who don't respect us or our boundaries. What to do when this happens? Here are a few strategies to try in this situation:
Communicate Clearly and Firmly: If someone violates your previously expressed boundary, express your boundaries again in a clear and assertive manner. Be specific about what behavior is unacceptable and how it makes you feel.
Set Consequences: Outline the consequences of not respecting your boundaries. This could range from limiting interactions to cutting off contact if necessary.
Stay Calm and Focus on the Situation at Hand: Often people who don't respect boundaries will try and shift the blame back on you, making it your fault they can't adhere to the boundary. Calmly repeat your boundary and don't let them distract you by hooking you into an argument.
Limit Interactions: Reduce the amount of time you spend with the person who is not respecting your boundaries. This can help protect your mental and emotional well-being.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, therapist, or coach about the situation. They can provide advice, support, and help you stay firm in your boundaries.
Keep a Journal: Keep a record of instances where your boundaries were not respected. When we are victims of emotional abuse, our minds often suppress painful events. Keeping a journal can help increase awareness of what is going on in your relationships.
Reevaluate the Relationship: Assess the importance and healthiness of the relationship. I know this can be hard, but sometimes, it's necessary to distance yourself from people who consistently disrespect your boundaries.
Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nurture your soul and delight you. This can help you maintain the strength needed to uphold your boundaries.
Seek Mediation: If the boundary issues persist, consider involving a neutral third party to mediate the situation. This can provide a structured environment for resolving conflicts.
These steps can help protect our boundaries and ensure our relationships are respectful and supportive. If we are in relationships where there is a pattern that our boundaries are not being respected, it's a red flag to re-evaluate the relationship.
Question for Journaling: What are some potential consequences you could set if someone continues to disregard your boundaries, and how can you enforce them consistently? Remember we want the consequences to be "doable" for us. If we know we won't follow through, then it's a sign to find a different consequence.
Need help setting boundaries with a "difficult" person in your life? Schedule a time time chat!
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