Do you have anyone in your life you might label as “difficult” to be around? You find yourself irritated and resentful and when you think about it you just don’t want to spend time with them. Most of us have a few people like this in our lives. This week I’m working with one of my clients on how to deal with people that we have to spend time with that we may not necessarily otherwise CHOOSE to be with on a regular basis. This might include extended family or coworkers or friends of friends.
The problem is that many of these people have differing opinions from our own which would be o.k. except they may try and impose their views onto you or you may also run into their expectations of how you’re supposed to act in certain situations. What is one to do in these type of situations? Don’t people KNOW they aren’t supposed to do those kind of things?
When you think about prior times you have been with these people, well frankly it can make you feel crazy and resentful.
Here are a few things you can do next time you’re getting together with Bossy Brenda from work who you might think is making you feel uncomfortable when she tells you what she thinks you should do or Nosy Aunt Nellie who you might think is making you feel angry when she asks you why you aren’t married yet:
Be the OBSERVER rather than being involved IN the drama. Pretend to be part of the audience rather than part of the cast. When Bossy Brenda is BOSSY don’t be surprised. She is doing EXACTLY what Bossy Brenda’s script’s says. How can you find that interesting rather than annoying?
Be O.K. with being an imperfect human being. This is a super power. Own who you are. When Mean Uncle Mike, says “Hey lady you’ve put on a solid twenty since the last time I’ve seen you.” You can simply say, “Yes, I have.” and move on to the next topic of conversation. So Uncle Mike - “How’s life been treating you?” When your weight doesn’t mean anything about you other than a number on the scale and it’s not a reflection of you as a human being it doesn’t matter what Mike says because you love you.
Drop your expectations of OTHERS. Let everyone be who they are, act how they are going to act, and feel what they feel.
Drop your expectations of YOU. You get to be the REAL you. Not the you that you think other people expect you to be. You don’t have to agree with everyone. You get to have your own emotions, even if they are different from everyone else’s.
Visualize ahead of time who you want to be. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between visualization and real life. Spend time visualizing how you want things to go when you are with these people. You get to decide ahead of time how you want to think and feel.
O.K. is your brain telling you this is all well and good but I don’t KNOW your family and coworkers? These tips will never work for you? Would you like some help learning how to drop your expectations of yourself and others? I have a personal goal to give away 300 hours worth of free coaching this year. In one hour, I can help you learn to look at “difficult” people in a different light. Click the link on my home page to schedule a 1:1 call with me. I can’t wait to start making your life easier!
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